Hiraeth
by HoplessAndWandering
Summary: "Alright guys, you can officially start the dad jokes now." It was funny how different things had been when they were young, limited, and to be frank…complete morons. It wasn't as funny when they were living it. They wouldn't have done any differently if given a chance, looking back, James thought he knew that much.


A/N; This is a promo/prequel one-shot to my upcoming series. I did write another one-shot for this series for last year's valentine, and this one sort of crept up on me as well.

Warnings for: explicit language

Hiraeth; A Welsh concept of longing for home or someone who feels like home to you.

Happy Reading!

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Chapter One

The night was young. The sky a gentle shade of midnight blue with no obtrusive clouds spoiling access to the glittering dots and invisible constellations. The summer breeze carried the scent of freshly baked pies into the air from the village's famous bakery, causing a thin line of witches and wizards to form at the edge of the store already.

It was late enough that the train station patrol had already closed their gates, but early enough that the pubs were still compacted with young people in the three broomsticks, warm bodies pressed against each other with a jovial intimacy, over flowing bottles of butterbeer were passed around, and tiny shots of dragonfly and firewhisky prepared for the older lot.

Soft wizard jazz played in a background, and a drunk couple were comically swaying to the tune near their table, knocking into their chairs and bumping into other people as they giggled and drank some more. The woman's ring finger shone brighter than her golden robes.

All booths were filled, and all the tables occupied, it was a Friday night, and even though Hogsmeade was known to be a crowded village due to its proximity to Hogwarts, there were too many people around. Even in the abundance of people, one could easily spot an unruly student or two who had snuck out of their dorms for a fun night out.

"Alright guys, you can officially start the dad jokes now." A young twenty one year old man groaned out as he plopped down in his booth, where three other young men were already sitting. The booth was the nearest to the window, half opened and wafting in the scent of said freshly pumpkin pies.

The other two people at the booth cheered, high fiving at the declaration, while the third and more quiet of the group smirked. "Uh, fatherhood is bearing you down James, isn't it?"

James comically dropped his head down in his arms and wept. "I never thought it would be this…this manually demanding!"

The man with curly black hair chortled in his beer. "The sheer fact that you used the word 'manually demanding'…" Sirius Black clutched as his sides as he laughed, his eyes almost tearing up. "And you weren't even the one pushing him out of your…" Remus pinched his arm.

"Merlin!" Sirius rolled his eyes, pouting, "Alright, fine, I keep it kid friendly." To James he turned and said. "Seriously, you look like a bludger beat the living hell out of you."

Peter Pettigrew, the shortest of their group jabbed Remus with his elbow. "He probably just realized that Harry's not going to leave them after the playdate's over."

Sirius snickered. "Nah, I'd say he figured it out when he saw Lily bringing him home with them."

They high-fived. "Good one!"

Another group cheered loudly from the other side of the bar, as in sync with the hilarity going on with James Potter and his group of friends.  
"Now you guys, keep it low, I see a tantrum coming." Remus chortled and James glared.

"Oh trust me Moony; you just won't see it coming." James brooded, his eyes dangerously seizing Remus's butter beer. He hadn't had a decent butterbeer in weeks it seemed.

The closest he had come to a bottle, was fixing Harry's late midnight snacks and his body ached for that low buzz that mild beer alcohol could offer. Without really thinking, James' hand darted for Remus's bottle but Sirius whacked his hand with his wand.

"Ow! Mate come on!"

Sirius shook his head. "You're too young for a grownup bottle Jamie."

"Oh for merlin's sake."

"What are you gonna do? Tell Lily on us?"

The booth burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

Just then, a lean red haired woman made her way to the booth as well, bodily moving past the swarming crowd and trays of beverages passing around. Dropping her heavy purse on top of the peanut bowl, Lily joined her husband with a relieved sigh. If it was possible the laughter got even /louder/, and even Remus was howling and banging his fists on the table.

"Am I missing something?" Lily Potter Nee Evans asked confusedly, her eyes falling on her miserable husband.

"They're harassing me Lily! Make them stop!" James wailed dramatically.

Remus snorted. "Someone left quite the impression on the baby, Lily, haven't they?"

"Oh no, James's been an angel to…oh…oh you meant-."

Sirius groaned insufferably, rolling his eyes. "Yes Evans, James is the baby here…jeez talk about ruining a joke. Is that a parent thing? Sucking the fun out of everything?"

Lily made a face at Sirius's arrogant smirk. "You guys are on a roll tonight, what's up?"

To everyone's surprise, it was Peter, who answered first. "James gave us the stamp. He /baby stamped/ us," there was another shared grin between the three friends.

"It's all freelance now Lilypad." Sirius flirtatiously clicked his tongue and flashed at her with his fingers.

"You gave them the go already? Come on babe!"

"I got peed on twice today Lily, it was time." James' horror-stricken face earned him another eye roll, this time from his own wife.

"Speaking of that smelly little bugger…ah…where is he now?"

James and Lily shared a terrified look. "THE PANTRY!"

"What?!"

James started laughing hysterically, his fists banged on the booth table. "No, no we didn't actually leave Harry in the pantry…," he gasped.

"…Again." Lily practically whispered and they both sobered.

"How could you possibly leave a baby in a pantry and forget about it?"

The raven-haired man shrugged. "We didn't, he did."

"We're talking about Prongslet right? You're not talking about James leaving the baby alone with the cloak?"

"Surprisingly plausible, but no, that's not what we meant,"

"Wow Lils, thanks for your unwavering vote of faith, not like, we're raising a child or anything,"

"Do you want them to know about the purple jumper incident?"

"I want to know about the purple jumper incident!" Sirius cut in with great enthusiasm.

James' indignation died in a flash and the man shared a pointed look with his partner. "Alright fair point," he conceded. "But I didn't leave him in the pantry! It was that little bugger himself!"

Remus looked skeptical. "He left himself in the pantry? You're either really good at parenting or we should be owling child protective services,"  
"It was accidental magic," Lily said. "He was covered in flour, didn't want a bath, I thought James took him, James thought I did, and that's how we lost Harry for forty terrifying minutes."

"Cool, is he still in that pantry?"

In her defense, Lily looked like she was handling this line of humor better than James was. "No," she replied nonchalantly. "Alice is watching him; we seriously needed a date night."

Sirius's face lit up like a child. "UGH finally!" he cheered. "There's SO much going on that we want to tell you guys about!"

"Yeah, like McGonagall's steamy encounter with Slughorn here in the three broomsticks, which actually involved-."

Black interrupted Peter. "A broomstick!"

Remus didn't miss a beat. His arms were crossed. "Marilyn dumping Sirius."

"Ok," the other man scoffed. "She didn't dump me! I wanted to be dumped so it doesn't count."

"Sure buddy." Remus opened another butterbeer.

"Seriously she was getting too dangerous!"

"Let me guess, she found your witch weekly magazines." James deadpanned. He wasn't a fan of Sirius's latest girlfriend. Nobody at this booth was, not even Sirius himself.

"No," the man snorted. "But she could have! She wanted to move in!"

"That's what happens when you lead on a psycho along for five weeks like you've been dating for over a year Padfoot. They want to move in." this caused Black to huff, his shoulders slumping in an exaggerated brooding manner while crossing his arms, which unconsciously made Remus smile.  
The werewolf quickly caught himself, and drowned a huge gulp of his bottle. He needed to control his thoughts, he hastily decided, maybe even cut on his alcohol.

"You and Lily literally chose a house together before even graduating." Sirius whined. "You've been dating for like…two weeks at the time!"  
"That's right," Prongs threw a lovesick grin at his wife. "I married a psycho."

Lily grinned back, with mock cheer and less cheesiness than her husband had. "Well, dear sane husband of mine," her shoes lightly pressed against his boot under the booth. "Guess who's sleeping on the couch tonight." The man winced, his face falling. "Here's a hint, not the psycho." She kissed him on the nose.

"Come on flower, you know I love you."

"Merlin stop all the mushiness…ugh how can Harry tolerate the two of you?"

"He hides in the pantry." Remus interjected without missing a beat. He and Sirius clinked bottles.

"Come on guys it was one time!"

Peter raised his hand in surrender. "You handed it to us Potters."

"He has a point. So what else has been going on without us around?"

The werewolf smacked his lips. "That was pretty much-"

"Remus got fired."

"Sirius!"

"What? Remus what happened?"

"It's alright guys, it's nothing important."

"The guy found out about his furry little problem, didn't even give him his last pay."

"It's not a big deal guys, Sirius is exaggerating."

"Uh no," Sirius pointed a finger at the werewolf. "Exaggerating would be me rambling on about the bruise those fuckers gave you on your face when you showed up on my doorstep, I'm being nice and secretive because we agreed-oh." His eyes widened, as Lupin's hand firmly closed around his hand under the table, painfully squeezing it. Black's jaw audibly clicked shut.

"You agreed on what?"

"Guys I said forget about it!" the bottle in his hand threatened to slip out of his grasp. "You have important stuff to deal with now, you have a child."

"Those fuckers hit you?" James seethed.

"No it wasn't anything like that," Remus spared a glare at a guilty Sirius. "One of them reacted a bit strongly, drew his wand on me-." Lily gasped. "It's okay!" Remus rushed to explain. "He just happened to throw a book at me, I was fine."

"No you weren't, you showed up-"

Remus closed his eyes. "Sirius we agreed!"

Lily reached between the men, her face serious and cold with anger on her friend's behalf. "On what?"

Peter squirmed as an awkward silence fell upon the group; James narrowed his eyes at Peter and shared a look with his wife. They all knew something that James and Lily didn't.

"Peter," James asked with a fake pleasant smile. "What did you guys agree on without me and my wife?"

"Err, It-It-It's n-nothing Jaime," the man stuttered. Peter melted under James's intense stare and latched onto his beer bottle to keep his mouth shut.  
"We agreed that we wouldn't bother you guys for anything higher than a nine." Remus said quietly, causing James and Lily to turn toward him.

"And this wasn't a nine?!" Lily exclaimed.

Sirius threw his arms up in frustration. "That's what I was saying!"

"Did you at least report them?"

"For what?" Remus suddenly sounded exhausted. "For not wanting to be around a dangerous wild animal?"

Sirius's jaw clicked, and the man looked furious. He bodily wrenched Remus to face him, with his hands glued to the other man's shoulders. "How many times have we been over this? Wild dangerous animal?! That's like saying Harry's an assassin."

"it's not the same,"

Lily shook her head. "It is the same Remus." She looked minutes away from bursting out of her seat and tackling him into a hug. It would have made him nauseous, but Lily didn't look as if she was pitying him any more than James was. It wasn't much at all, they had known Remus for a long time, and they were familiar with this brand of bigotry, no matter how helpless and angry they felt…they knew they couldn't do anything about it.

"Are you-you know…All right?" Lily's wide eyes crinkled with concern, not pity-Remus had to remind himself- but pure distress. "Financially?"

"Yeah mate, if the rent is getting too much without the job Harry would be delighted to have you over-."

"And so would we," Lily cut in with a smile.

"It's alright guys; really, I'm actually staying with-."

Padfoot smirked. "A gorgeous, handsome, genius looking fella with black flowing locks and a chiseled jaw, who wears leather jackets and takes him on midnight motorcycle rides!"

"-A child," Remus finished.

"Damn, it's worse than I thought. You should have told me the moment it happened Moony. Why didn't you?"

"Because you have a child now Prongs, and even without us badgering you every waking moment you're still doing dumb shit parents shouldn't,"  
"No I'm not-."

"The pantry-." Peter started.

"The bathtub." Lily said at the same time.

Sirius balked in his seat, his head nearly knocking back in the booth behind them. "There's a bathtub involved?"

James pursed his lips, his foot tapping his wife' in similar fashion as before. "Not the same story. But yes."

Remus, who was glad for the distraction, looked like he could barely believe the words coming out of his friend's mouth. With outmost disbelief, the young man shook his head. "Seriously, we left you guys alone for a week, and there's already a bathtub incident, a purple jumper and a pantry involved…Is everything okay at home?"

Sirius tuned in. "Yeah, Harry isn't an assassin right? Because I was just talking out of my ass."

"No he's a regular baby-"

"With special murderous traits?" Padfoot guessed.

"No, I'm pretty sure we just suck at this because it's our first time." James sounded almost as disappointed as Sirius looked at the revelation. Two-week old babies were much more boring than he had originally thought. Then again, even with this level of tranquility in his small baby, James hadn't had a night's sleep in ages.

"Oh I get it, it's like sex." Sirius brushed him off with a knowing smirk, diligently ignoring the looks both Remus and Lily gave him. "The first time's sloppy and weird and messy and awkward but then as time goes on-."

"Sirius stop." Moony cut in.

"What? They get better at it!"

The werewolf sighed with a fond eye-roll. "The point is-You guys don't have time to clean up our lives and mind a baby."

"That's crap-"

"No it's not James. You have a baby now, and I'm not saying that means our lives are separate and we're breaking apart because we're not. But YOUR priorities have changed."

Prongs' face fell, his honey colored eyes hooded as he studied his friends. He looked as if he had let them down somehow, and Remus wanted to hit the man for it. Because it couldn't be more far from the truth. Harry wasn't just their baby, in a twisted way, that baby belonged to all of them. In a way, that baby was their baby too.

"Why couldn't you guys and Harry have the same level of importance?" James asked them quietly, slouching as Lily rubbed his arm.

"You know why."

He and Padfoot shared a look. Remus let him continue. "Because he's your kid." Sirius said softly, his face serious. "As much as it pains me to say that you love a messy smelly two-week old human more than me…the truth is that you do. And he requires ALL the attention and care that you can give him right now. In a way…Harry's our replacement-"

Remus realized that he might have made a mistake in allowing Sirius to take the broom. "That's a terrible comparison-"

"No shut up it's great! It makes sense, since babies ARE literally replacing adults. That's their whole function!"

James stroked his chin with a propped hand. "It does make sense,"

Lily's rubbing hand stilled. "Are you comparing my child to Sirius Black?"

"You should be flattered Evans," Black laid a smug hand on his chest. "So should Harry. I'm a delight!"

"Yeah sure,"

As Padfoot's mouth opened to retort, Peter's hand scrabbled at his leather-clad arm. Sirius stopped and looked down at Peter, but his friend wasn't looking at him, he was looking over James' head with wide owlish eyes.

"Hey guys, look at that," Sirius jabbed Remus and nodded his chin at James.

Remus squinted his eyes. "Is that-"

"Snivellus."

"Ugh, great, this night just needed Snape in it."

Peter cursed. "Oh he's heading our way!"

Sirius nearly dove across the table to get to James. Knocking the half-empty bowl of peanuts once again. In a low excited voice, he said, "I have the perfect prank lined up James, is thirty seconds enough to cover our bases?"

James looked tempted but Lily put her foot down. Literally, causing both James and Sirius to howl. "There will be NO pranks guys." She warned them with narrowed eyes. "Chill down."

Sirius picked a peanut a flicked it at her. "Evans, you're the human equivalent of a hangover."

She shrugged, feeling her heart skipping a beat as she felt Severus drawing closer to them. The peanut fell into her hair, but she paid it no mind. "I'm the voice of reason,"

Padfoot curled his lip. "Which is annoying, headache inducing, and frankly a killjoy."

James flicked a peanut back at Sirius. "You should drink less."

Lily gave up on the bickering men and stood up, her hand nervously brushing against her robes, and straightening the invisible wrinkles.

"Severus!" She called out over the music, her hand waved at him in a welcoming gesture. Snape nodded and walked into hearing distance.

"Hey there Snape!" Sirius called. His cupped his mouth with his hands. "The Erumpents called, they want their nose back." Snape's face slightly fell as several people laughed, but his eyes remained carefully void of any sort of emotion.

Remus smacked him and Lily turned back to glare. "Sirius!"

Sirius looked around the table and then back at the approaching man. "I know when I'm not wanted Evans." He stood. "Come on Pete. Let's go buy these losers a round."

"I should probably-" Remus muttered and stumbled out of his seat to chase after his friends, ducking away from Snape as he did so.

"Evans,"

Lily and Potter both stood to greet him. Potter with a glare, Evans with a soft smile. "Hello Severus."

"You're looking well," Snape snapped his mouth shut as soon as the words stumbled out of his mouth.

"She does." James snaked a possessive arm around Lily's waist, causing the woman to glare and stomp on his foot again under the booth. James briefly scowled, but his arm fell back to his side.

Severus watched the scene unfold with a disgusted sneer on his face. He couldn't wait to get this over with. The weight of the thing in his robes was excruciating to him, but if it would cease his guilt then Snape needed to be done with this.

"You look good too Severus," she smiled at him.

"Don't get your wand in a twist Potter," he snapped at his former bully as he tried to squash the painful throb in his chest. Lily hadn't talked to him this politely in more than three years now. "I just came to give you this." With a hand in his robes, he reluctantly pulled out the hastily wrapped bundle.

The woman cracked a half smile, looking at his hands. "Oh?" he passed it off to Lily quickly.

"It's a present, obviously." He fidgeted under their astonished gazes, silently cursing as a bartender woman bumped into him from behind and jostled him forward, much closer to Lily than he had anticipated.

"I heard about the birth of your…son." He continued in spite of the painful awkwardness coloring his words. "Two weeks ago."

"Yeah, his name is Harry."

Severus' head jerked. "Yes, well," he trailed off for a beat before gathering his wits about him once again. "I thought given our previous acquaintance a small gift was warranted." The gift was given, his mind snapped at him, he had to leave now. He could see Black and Pettigrew balancing an array of beer mugs in their arms in his peripheral vision. He needed to leave, as he was in no mood for an escalation that night.

His head snapped back to the Potters as Lily gasped. "Oh Severus this is gorgeous!" she balanced the small Teddy bear in her hands with the wrapping paper and held it up for Potter to inspect and examine. Potter shrugged at the plushie, his eyes still holding some underlining apprehension.

Severus awkwardly inclined his head. "I'm glad you saw it fit." He cleared his throat. "I should take my leave now, and don't worry Potter, it's not cursed."

"Wait Sev,"

"Don't you…want to see him?"

He frowned. "I was under the impression that he wasn't here?"

"No, but-" Lily quickly turned and dove for her purse. Her face flushed as she pulled the zipper and dug in her bag elbow-deep. "I have a spare photograph right around -." Her hand fumbled for a few more seconds before it finally emerged with a small photograph. "Here! We took this a few nights ago."

"Oh." Severus didn't quite know what to do with the picture, so he took it. His eyes inspected the small infant. The baby was smaller than he imagined, but then again, he was two weeks old. Swaddled in her arms, his feet kicking and his body fidgeting as Lily smiled down at him. Four pairs of striking green eyes.

That surprised the young man. He never thought he would see those eyes in any other human being but the one in front of him. It was a nice touch, the perfect blend between the pair. The boy was the spitting image of his father, even as young as he looked, but the eyes…

A throat was cleared, snapping Severus out of his thoughts. Severus cleared his own throat.

"He looks, very well-functioning."

James Potter narrowed his eyes. "That's the best you could do?"

It was. Because even he couldn't stifle his heart down to such an extent that would let him compliment the baby, his former secret crush had had with his bully. The frown on his face deepened. The girl he was in love with was now a woman, with a child. He had no business thinking of her, as she had made it so painfully clear.

The gift was out of necessity.

"I pity that child for having you as a father Potter," Severus said as blankly as he could manage. His Occlumency was adequate at best. Breaking down in a crowded bar, where almost two people out of every ten knew him was not a desirable thought.

"Sev-." Shaking his head, Severus extended a hand to her shoulder to silence her reproach.

"But commend him for having a mother like you." His hand on her shoulder felt wrong to him. Wrong and intruding, so Severus didn't let it linger for more than a second. "I wish you a nice evening Evans."

"Me too." She said before he could turn again. "You can keep the picture."

He didn't want to, and she must have known this. Severus didn't know, why ion spite of that, his former friend was still offering him to keep it. Maybe as punishment? The picture was heavy in his hand, Severus closed his fist around it, fighting off the urge to cram it inside his robes and flee. "Thank you." He inclined his head. "I will take good care of it."

They both knew that he couldn't even bear to look at it. She probably thought that he would burn it first chance he got, and he would, but not for the same reasons. His job wasn't safe enough for him to carry these kinds of items with him at any time. That child…he was Lily's and Severus would die protecting him.

She didn't need to know that.

With his robe billowing behind him, he turned on his heels and left, feeling Black boldly shoulder past him with the wolf studiously ignoring him.  
That was fine. Severus was JUST fine with being invisible. Invisible was what kept him safe and alive.

Invisibility didn't hurt him, wouldn't hurt him, the way humans did.

The burning mark on his forearm and the picture burning a hole in his pocket were testament to that.


End file.
